I didn't... in fact couldn't know her. I had this funny feeling, a blend of fear, anxiety and desire of living this whole new moment, but was stuck in my decision making process. I wondered if her skin would be specially soft in my touch, even knowing that I wasn't able to really face her.
Well..let me explain... when you're in the traffic jam you care solely about the sky, the trees and the last thing you had in mind that suddenly vanished. New things come into your sight and you're still trying to grab that last thought...
Summarising...It was an instinct need to taste whatever it appeared to be. A flavour, a different perfume. Something beyond presumable created images.
Regret? No, not exactly, this supposes I did something, though I was just 'myself'. Thus, regret won't happen instantly when you act as usual. When you keep drowning in your own lack of existence, you forget your inability to belong to any environment. This fact makes your desired actions look quite easy to be done. They start to run inside your head as a motion picture in a director's mind, being written, scene by scene, hoping for a surprising turning point while you're completely numb.
...
Her skin was soft, she held my attention and my breath. Then she had to tell me her unmarried status that we could go out for a party, yet to begin, all in one sentence. She faked an insobriety and didn't appear charming to me anymore. I entered my car and spread my eyes in a glance for the last time... I realised that I couldn't see the other girl right next to her in her completeness...
Got into my car, spread my eyes over her, last glance, engaged in first gear and left these thoughts behind. Again.
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