I lost my balance.
In just a frivolous moment I fell. The worst part was knowing that my strength and almost everything I've conquered during one year was spread in cold and dark tarmac.
Not only balance, also reasoning and reason. The difference between hope and faith is the absurdness your explanation seems to others. But, at this point, it would sound more as a will than the other two, because no one left to understand what really happened.
I have no one to blame, however the many awkward circumstances made me feel lucky and grateful. Everything I lost and part of me is still there, mending pieces of my old style and dignity while the other part is utterly seeking another way. Easy to see that no part left to reflect and see the bright side.
The problem lies on not having a fucking bright side. It is just this new path and the old thoughts fighting and all the smoke of powder stuck on heavy air. There is nothing to see.